Yours Trully...

My photo
I am Me. In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes. Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me. I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me. I am me, and I am Okay.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Something's wrong....

I'm sick...i think so. Literally...
For the last couple of weeks i felt so weak...
I've lost appetite, there's no hunger or craving of foods like i usually do..
Lost so much weight....which is so not right..
Sleep more..less eat...
I felt rotten, disorganized, disoriented....
There's only one indicator showing i'm normal, feeling great n happy..... I eat a lot.
When i eat less...even lesser than less.....surely something's wrong.


Monday, April 27, 2009

Tagged by Nadia - True, Untrue or Wish...

Nadia tagged me... sob sob~~. Nway, since i dun hv idea for next entry... i guess there's no harm doing it. hehe... hmm, camne nak main ni ekceli ek?? let see....

Bold the statements that ARE true to you. Italicize the statements that you WISH were true. Leave the fibs alone. Then, tag 5 people to do the same test.

I’m 170cm tall.
I don’t know what I want at the moment.
I’m not happy.
I hate my friends.
I hate my life.
I hate my grades. (sape suruh cuti b4 exam!!)
I can drive.
I’m bored of driving.
I have a white handbag.
I love dancing. (aku sungguh kayu bab2 ni)
I go clubbing every week. (hehehe..)
Shopping is bullshit.
I have a tattoo of a star.
I got my navel pierced.
I have friends that take drugs. (kawan je...tak follow kay)
90% of my friends smoke.
I still hang out with my ex, even though our break up was rather nasty.
I’m studying Fashion.
I have a business running. (nak jual monyet..bleh tak?)
I hate cartoons
I hate someone. (tough dillema...maybe its the other way around)
I have 10 Lollipops handbags.
I buy CLEO every month.
My parents don’t know about my blog.
I have an iPod. (kompol duit dulu..hehe)
I don’t have faith in the current “one”.
My school mates know about my blog.
I wanted to be a fashion designer.
I love rock emo bands.
I hate it when people cancel last minute meet ups.
I’m a rebel. (a vigilante is the correct word)
I don’t believe in love.
High school's filled with drama. (best part of my life..)
My parents have faith in me. (Love them..)
I’ve bought shoes this month. (kasut bola...huhu)
A blogger bitched about me before.
I hate sports.
I heart Italian food.
I hate meeting new people.
I hate nail polish.
The mother bear gives me hugs.
People should start appreciating me.
High school was the worst time of my life.
I have red hair.
One Utama is my second home. (pokai la nanti)
I’m a guy. (gentleman should i say..kuikui)
I’m scared of my Biology exam which I’m going to face tomorrow.
I hate vacations.
We’ll last. (who's we??)
I believe in long distance relationships.
I’m going to get high and smoke weed one day soon. (huhu)
I’ve robbed an old lady.
I’m starting to like applying make-up.
I was a tomboy.
At times I think I still am a tomboy.
I love bitching about people behind their backs.
I still have a best friend. (never had one tho..)
I have a cat. (here's my best fren..)
I hate surprise parties.
I hate planning parties.
I’m hot.. (Berangan sket2 takleh ker..)
I’m a sinner.
I’ve got a DS light.
I have a Wii.
I can live without music.
Video games are a waste of time.
I miss the father bear.
I love being in love.
I know how to cook.
I have 100% freedom.
Boys are assholes.
I hate Math.
I’m happy with what I have
I love horror films.
I slept in my parents’ room for 3 days after watching Scream when I was a kid.
My old friends keep in touch with me.
I don’t read newspapers.
The news is such a waste of time.
Blogging is a waste of time.
I hate animals.
I can’t live without make-up.
I curse like a pirate. (it's all so piratey...)
I’m happy with my 11 year old car.
I hate people that are smart.
I love Orange juice.
I can’t drink for nuts.
I believe that everyone in their teens have lost their virginity. (takleh caye org zmn skang)
I’ve got a new phone. (Iphone on da way..huhu)
I’m going to get a new pair of shoes by the end of this month
I haven’t worked out since March.
I think I’m fat. (i wish to put somemore weight..hee)
I love my friends and family

I'm tagging :

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Lessons From the Past....Story of my life.

Here's a start after a long break from blog writting... only this time its gonna be a bit different.. a bit personal...

Sometimes i wonder how many people really know me? I would bet with my newly-washed-underwear that not many people do.... =p

I've been breathing air for 2-n-ahalf decades now....but the last a-decade was the most life changing so far...and it still ongoing which makes future more fun to live for. I did alot, experienced alot...felt alot. I had all the experienced a boy could ever wish for.... it was WILD i can assure you. What was done can neither be undone nor can it be repeated. So, i take one experience at a time as a lesson for the next...
however, unlike most typical-happy-ending-hollywood-movies...mine was upside down. i had all the best, fun, great experiences 1st before hell came down REPEATEDLY knocking at my door....until then, i finally learned n understand the true meaning of life.

So, when i looked back at the past, the history of my life...i was better now than i was then. So i realized what i do about history matters.
The often repeated saying that those who forget the lessons of history are doomed to repeat them has a lot of truth in it. But what are 'the lessons of history'? The very attempt at definition furnishes ground for new conflicts. History is not a recipe book; past events are never replicated in the present in quite the same way. Historical events are infinitely variable and their interpretations are a constantly shifting process. There are no certainties to be found in the past, at least for now. History has become fractions of memories that lies deep within me..occasionally haunting sporadically tormenting this very poor soul.

So, How am i to live a moral and compassionate existence when i am fully aware of the blood, the horror inherent in life, when i find darkness not only in my culture but within myself? If there is a stage at which an individual life becomes truly adult, it must be when i grasp the irony in its unfolding and accepts responsibility for a life lived in the midst of such paradox. I must live in the middle of contradiction, because if all contradiction were eliminated at once, life would collapse. There are simply no answers to some of the great pressing questions. I continue to live them out, making my life a worthy expression of leaning into the light.

Summary: Reality of life is cruel, feel its cruelty and until then u can win the best out of ur life... even better, win the best out of a person u can be.